Torn
by derekhales
Summary: In the aftermath of finding out she had been cheated on - Clare meets with Eli at their special bench one last time. To say goodbye.


It feels like a hard blow to the chest. She couldn't even let him explain for yelling at him to get the hell out of her home. This was supposed to be a week for them; something she had been planning on for so long and now - it was all gone in an instant. A moment's time. She breathed in and out heavily, feeling like she was choking on the very air, burning it's way down her windpipe with every single breath. As her back slid against the hard wooden paneling of the door, Clare finally sat on the floor with her back propped against the door, as she began to cry heavily into the palms of her already slightly dampened hands. How could he do such a thing to her?

Clare couldn't think - hell she could barely breathe as she sat there trying to focus on anything other than the fact that he had slept with this girl back at NYU. She tried to go back in time to when she could trust Eli, when she thought she was going to end up with him, and be with him for the rest of their lives. "How could I have been so stupid?" Clare muttered to herself, suddenly everything they had fought for felt like it had shattered, and became nothing over those last few seconds. But Clare knew that before she broke up with Eli, she would need answers, since there was no way she could ever trust him again. Not after the heartache he had just caused her.

Getting up, she ran up the stairs and slammed the door to her bedroom shut before she quickly changed clothes, and crawled into bed. She didn't want to do anything by that point - she just wanted to be left alone with her thoughts and rest. Though before she shut the world out for the rest of the night there was one last thing she had to do. Picking up her cell, she opened a new text message and typed the words "Meet me at our old bench tomorrow. I need to talk to you and we need to settle things one last time." before sending the message to Eli.

A few seconds later the words "Okay, see you at noon." flashed onto her screen.

* * *

After spending hours crying hard into her pillow, wanting to scream several times, and barely sleeping a wink - Clare managed to pull herself together to tell her mom she was going out for a little while the next day. After putting on her favorite brown wig, enough make up to make her look decent, and some casual clothes - Clare headed out the door to the one street where everything began. And there he was, sitting slouched over with his bright emerald eyes locked on the pavement beneath his red Converse All-Stars. Standing there silently for a moment, Clare swallowed the hard lump in her throat, then moved forward to sit next to him on the bench.

Eli, for whatever brilliant reason he had in his mind, extended his hand and placed it on Clare's but she immediately jerked it away - giving him a harsh glare. "Don't touch me. You don't get to do that anymore and the next physical contact you're going to get out of me is a hard slap across the face!" Clare spoke up, her tone filled with bitter hatred towards her about to be ex-boyfriend. Eli felt his heart sink in his chest and he broke eye contact with her, moving his hands to grip the bench beneath him.

"You don't get it - I missed you so much, Clare. It was impossible to go without you-" Eli began.

"Save it! You don't get to put the blame on me anymore, okay? I'm so sick of always being the bad guy and you always being the knight in shining armor in our relationship. Not this time! I want answers and I want real answers, not the bullshit usual excuses cheaters like yourself tend to come up with. Now spill," Clare retorted angrily, furrowing her brow as her icy blue eyes sent chills down Eli's spine. He was actually scared to say anything since he had never seen Clare so angry before. "So...what happened?" Clare asked.

"It was late one night and Lenore and I had been working on our assignments together. We had a few drinks, things got carried away, and she ended up sleeping with me." Eli admitted, though he was sparing some of the details of the night, he was being truthful - they had slept together and got drunk.

"Just once, right?" Clare exclaimed, feeling her eyes tearing up as she stood from the bench to get up and walk back and forth on the street. "I'm sure you slept with her more than that and you're trying to spare me right now."

"It only happened one time, Clare! I didn't... I don't even know what to say other than it was a huge mistake and I realize that now. I'm sorry, okay? I really am." Eli replied, feeling his heart break because for the first time - his pleading for forgiveness would never be enough.

"Eli, stop, it doesn't even matter anymore - okay? We're done. Finished," Clare exclaimed, her voice breaking and her eyes tearing up heavily. "I never thought that the guy that I considered my soulmate would hurt me so much but you did and it's unforgivable. What kind of person would I be to forgive such an asshole like you?" Clare asked, finally letting the tears fall from her eyes. "So, what made you want to do it? What made you really want out? Did you hate seeing me so sick and you wanted an escape from that? Huh?" Clare carried onward, by that point Eli himself was in tears because he not only broke the heart of the girl he once wanted to spend his life with, he had also broken his own in the process.

"I don't know, Clare. I don't know... I can't answer that for you. I just know that I really messed this one up and I hope you'll forgive me for this. I want you to understand that I am sorry. I always will be." Eli muttered, exhaling heavily as he moved to lean against the entrance of one of the stores.

"Want, this!" Clare spoke softly, stepping forward and slapping Eli as hard as she could across the face before grabbing her purse and putting it over her shoulder. "Don't ever...EVER speak to me again. I don't care how long it is in the future, I want you out of my life forever. And don't fucking come back!" She added, turning to walk away from Eli Goldsworthy from the very last time. And though her heart was still broken; somehow Clare seemed to already feel a little bit better about everything. Knowing that she wouldn't need to put up with Eli's shit anymore.


End file.
